I AM SO EXCITED.
1. WE’RE BACK!
2. BTW yeah it’s still me, the same guy who did this last season. I got married and changed my last name. BuzzFeed will have to pry my cold dead fingers away from doing these posts.
3. So where were we? Let’s see…Cersei is on the throne after half of King’s Landing got greensploded, Jon told Melisandre to fuck right off down south when he found out about Shireen, Arya killed Walder Frey after she FED HIM HIS OWN CHILDREN, the Hound met up with Beric Dondarrion and Dany is sailing to Westeros with Yara, Theon, her new Hand of the Queen Tyrion, three big ol’ dragons, a Dothraki army, and NOT Daario because she kinda dumped his pretty ass.
4. So, barring any kind of major HBO Now outage, here we go!
5. I AM SO EXCITED. WE HAVE ALL WAITED SO LONG.
6. It’s like Christmas morning, only there’s (probably) going to be more blood.
7. OK speaking of blood, y’all see that little cut to Catelyn when Arya sliced Walder’s throat in the “Previously On” segment? Nice touch.
8. Aw man, we still have to listen to Walder talk? Is this a flashback?
9. WAIT A FUCK MINUTE. Is that Arya?
10. Because if it is, she deserves a damn Oscar for her Walder Frey performance.
11. God, I’ve never been so happy to see a bunch of dudes puke blood.